An ex-soldier provides an exclusive service; he will transport any cargo to any location with no questions asked.
The Transporter starts well with an ice cool Jason Statham ferrying Guy Ritchie style bumbling crooks in a high octane chase from a bank robbery. But soon after Statham struggles with his ill-written cardboard cut-out of a character in a script that – despite it’s relocation to picturesque France – could be a Jean Claude Van Damme or a Steven Seagal vehicle. In fact, the European locations made it feel like a throwback to Roger Moore’s James Bond films. Not only that, but a bad Roger Moore James Bond film. The dumb, cliche-riddled and episodic script isn’t even saved by the frankly lame action sequences; the scene when Statham is oiled up fighting multiple bad guys on bicycle pedals is something Jackie Chan might have gotten away with, but done without humour it looks absolutely absurd.
Add to this the painfully bad euro hip-pop soundtrack and there’s only one word for it: eurotrash.