Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones (2002)

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And so the irritating child has become a pouty teenager who is carved from the finest mahogany.

After grudgingly revisiting this, my least favourite of the prequels – and that’s up against some stiff competition – I have to say that my initial anger has subsided somewhat and given way to a kind of post-modern amusement. George Lucas can neither write nor direct actors, that much is clear. The plot to padding ratio of the script is amongst the most shocking I’ve ever seen and the dialogue is surely some of the worst ever spewed forth on the silver screen – what woman hasn’t fallen for the old “you’re not like sand” routine…?! The attempts at humour are also embarrassing to say the least; I’ve seen better jokes on ice lolly sticks. The sequence in the droid factory looks like it was included solely because it’d make a good level in the video game version and many of the creatures seem to exist purely for the purpose of making the kiddies pester their parents into buying their tacky plastic equivalents from Toys R Us. As for the visuals, they look expensive but that doesn’t necessarily make them good. Much of the film looks like an over-priced cartoon, the worst example being the absolutely laughable and pointless arena section at the end. Add to this the fact that the only two interesting characters, Dooku and Jango Fett are – like Boba before them – completely wasted and the result is a highly polished turd.

I don’t loathe it in the same way I used to, but the best I can say about it is that it may one day stand shoulder to shoulder with the likes of Jaws IV and Star Trek V as examples of the amusingly bad.

3/10

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